2010: The Year That Was

A few reflections on this past year.


Favorite Class: 
Energy Conversion

Longest time spent studying for a single test: 

Not sure... I spent a lot of hours studying for my Conduction exams. I'll say at least six.

Number of nightmares about final exams: 
Two or three I think. But what stand out most vividly are the dreams I had of being back in the lab, still working on my final undergraduate project. I spent 30 hours over three days working to finish it up, finally turning it in at 11pm on Saturday night. Sure, I had been offered an extension until Monday, but there was no way I was going to walk for graduation on Sunday afternoon with more work yet to be done.

One thing I won't miss: 
Taking my old Grand Am to the repair shop.

One thing I will miss: 
Seeing my family every day.


Miles on my car: 

6000 (since getting my Outback in July), of which 4400 were from...

Best memories from an event:
Road trip out west with Chad and Matt. It's a stretch to call a 10-day trip an event. If I pick a single "event" from all of this, I'd say that nothing could quite top the feeling of arriving at our first destination after 19 hours of driving. Getting out of the car to walk up on some rocks and look out over miles and miles of the badlands: amazing. 

Best memories from life in general:
Learning how to cook, often getting instructions from the helpline (mom) 800 miles away.

Book that impacted me the most (after the Bible):
Hard to choose between A Praying Life, by Paul Miller, and Expository Thoughts on the Gospels by J.C. Ryle.

Song that impacted me the most:
In past years I always found an obvious choice. Nothing jumps out at me... or even crawls out after some thinking.

Doctrine that impacted me the most:
The danger and subtlety of unbelief. (Not sure that it is usually called "The Doctrine of Unbelief," but oh well.) To sum up, I will tie this back to a quote from the above-mentioned J.C. Ryle book, "There are three great enemies against which God's children should daily pray—pride, worldliness, and unbelief. Of these, none is greater than unbelief."

A whole year later...
I'm driving a different car, going to a different school, living in a different state... and serving the same God.


Share a few reflections of your own in the comments section.


Past Years
2006
2007
2008
2009

Running

Glance at the lab computer clock: 7:11. Save files. Exit programs. Log off. The 2 bus arrives at 7:15. The homework problem will wait for tomorrow.

Swinging my backpack over my shoulder and fumbling for my keys, I dash toward my office down the hall. Hat on, coat on, coat zipper stuck.

Zipper fixed. Gloves on, backpack on, cell phone out: 7:13.

Spiraling down the staircase, barreling out the door. More stairs.

Hurry, don't run, there's ice, quick, watch for ice, run, should walk, must jog.

Washington Avenue straight ahead. Cars and buses rolling past. Buses! Sprint.

A long one—too long. Not to worry. Another one—a shorter one. The 2? Hurry. Maybe not. But run. Passengers boarding and unboarding: precious seconds bought to close the gap.

Closer now. Read the number: 2. Pulling away? Not yet. But no line. All are aboard. 7:15.

My legs run up along side. The 2's wheel's roll forward. Wave an arm. The 2 lurches into traffic. Catch it! Beat it to the next stop! No. Never. The 2 is across the bridge. My legs stop.

Why?

I have twenty minutes to catch my breath. Twenty minutes I could have spent in the computer lab—the warm computer lab—productively. Twenty minutes now to be spent thinking about just missing the bus, thinking about just missing the solution on the morning quiz, thinking about just missing the time I needed to get homework done, thinking... thinking...

Why?

Why do I procrastinate and perfectionate? Why do I look for hope in personal achievement and job satisfaction? Why are my desires for good things in life too strong? Why are my desires not strong enough? Why do I feel like I've felt all this before?

I'm tired. Why does it always take frustration or disappointment or just plain weariness to bring me to this place?

Lord God...

Why don't I so strongly just want You Yourself when I'm getting everything else too? Can I not be desperate for you without feeling so weary?

I'm not running away. Just running. Always running. And sometimes it takes a missed bus, bringing twenty minutes of waiting, to turn me to twenty minutes of heart-earnest prayer.

Lord God...

Intentions

Why didn't you read last week's post? Ah, because I never posted it. But I intended to.

Why didn’t I post it? Ah, because I never edited it. But I intended to.

Why didn’t I edit it? Ah, because I never finished the draft. But I intended to.

Why didn’t I finish the draft? Ah, because I never started it. But I intended to.

If only the blog post were nothing more than a case of writer’s block.

I didn’t work on homework. But I intended to.

I didn’t respond to your call or email. But I intended to.

I didn’t get to sleep earlier. But I intended to.

I didn’t set time to pray today. But I intended to.

Follow through. Sometimes we simply, legitimately are unable to. Sometimes we simply, regrettably forget to. Sometimes we simply, logically decide not to.

But usually, I find that my failure to follow through cannot be blamed on inability or forgetfulness or rejection. Instead, I choose to follow through later. I’m able, I remember, I still intend to… I just didn’t get to it yet.

My priorities aren’t revealed in my intentions so much as in my actions. I'm sure I have better priorities. At least, I intended to.